Am i....dead?
Done 12-Jan 5:23 PM

There's nothing i can do

to change it..

nothing i can say

can make it happen.

Im feelin tired

tired of waiting

tired of fighting

and it doesnt happen

still it doesnt.

I feel naked

totally exposed

everybody knows

but still

it doesnt happen.

Maybe if i just stop

thinking about it..

maybe i just should let go...

Is it in me?

to let go?

Can i just

stop?

What in hell

Am i waiting?

I wish i could erase

pain

sorrow

sadness

of my mind-

Wish i could erase all

or maybe

not.

Im crying again...

tears that

taste like

defeat...

Why do i keep up with this?

Why do i allow myself to...

i honestly dont know.

I know that

i want to

i know that

i need to

i know that

i dont know...

i just dont.

Again i...

cry

scream

you all mumble words

i dont seem to listen

or care

but....

i listen to you

just you

why?

I dont know..

im not willing to

let you go

im not willing to

tell you so

im just not willing

to try.

I want to believe

but...

i dont know how or why

i cant.

Or maybe i do

without even noticing.

Should i?

just..

let go?

Everytime i listen to the word

its cuts me up

it makes me bleed inside

no one knows

just me.

I wont let go

will i?

Will you?

Somewhere in between

i lay my head

in your lap

and pretend that

i will.

somewhere in between

you'll lay your head

in my lap

and ask the same question.

Maybe one day

we will both

know the answer...

A thousand swords

crossed my heart.

i didnt even bleed.

they dont cause me pain.

I cant feel

i cant love

i cant cry

Im dead deep inside...

im dead deep

so deep

where no one can see

not even me.

Rescue me

i want to feel again.

Dont let go...

Im not aware

of what i feel

not aware of what to say

im burning

with no flames

im dying slowly

inside...

Take me..

i wanna go

without thinking...